I Wish I Would Have Counted – A Brief Look Back

December 3rd, 2011

How many miles have I walked? How many girls have I kissed? How many times has someone told me they loved me? How many hours have I spent driving?

On my Friday evening commute home this week, these were the thoughts floating around in my head. Deep in  nostalgia, with Cutting Crew playing that song I still love on the satellite radio 80s channel, I began to wonder about the statistics of my life. What if I had counted . . . everything? I could look back and instantly know how many Taco Bell burritos I’ve eaten, how many times I truly cried tears of joy, and how many pennies have passed through my hands.

Others may not care, but me; I constantly judge myself. I thought about how wonderful it would be to quantify everything in my life. A month away from turning 44, I’ve had an amazing life. I’ve achieved much (though I have so much more to do), I’ve failed more times than perhaps I care to remember, and I’ve tasted victory—sometimes so sweet I could have died happy, right then and there. But how well have I really done?

I have a house and a good job and a future that is becoming brighter every day. I have a wonderful son and an amazing wife (more on her in an upcoming entry). I have the best Golden Retriever on the planet and my list of friends often seems endless. But if I look back on my life thus far, would I be happy with the numbers?  Would I be pleased with how many doors I’ve held open for strangers? Would I be shocked at the number of beers I’ve consumed? And how disappointed would I be to discover that I’ve paid far fewer compliments to others than I could have?

And how cool would it be to look at a video record of any moment of my life? To relive the birth of my son; my first 300 game when I was 18; the first time I had sex (well, maybe not that one). It would be invaluable to me to be able to generate strong reminders of what I am capable of, both in success and in failure. I can think of no greater motivator.

I am on the verge of some serious changes in my life. It feels as though a brand new chapter is about to begin. A career enhancement that I hope will turn into a brand new career itself. My re-entry into bachelorhood (as I said, more on that later). New beginnings and big plans. And with that outlook comes this retrospective. Have I learned enough not to make the same mistakes?  Have I discovered keys to success?

I don’t know.  If only I would have counted.

Posted in Life | 4 Comments »

A Dream from the Parking Lot Siesta

September 17th, 2011

I work in a cubicle.  Eight hours a day, five days a week.  Escaping the confines of those 1-inch walls, even if it’s only for an hour, is a priority that I rarely sacrifice.  A few days a week, I find myself at a secluded and shaded parking spot.  I will often nap for perhaps 40 minutes here.  It is quiet and peaceful and I awake feeling somewhat recharged and ready to finish the day being relatively productive.

On Thursday of last week, I was taking such a nap when I was visited by the dream that I will recount for you now.  Although I don’t usually retain detailed recollection of dreams, this particular dream affected me so much that I wrote down what I remembered upon my return to the office.

In the dream I was in my car sleeping. I awoke to the sound of laughing children. I opened my eyes to see two boys, about 12, and a black girl who was the same age but slightly taller. The boys were gathering pebbles and throwing them at the girl; not out of malice but in fun. The girl was trying to avoid the little stones but didn’t seem to mind too much either. We were on an abandoned road similar to where I often nap, but it was wider and longer and somehow drier but with more trees. The trees were very tall and colorful.

I got out of the car and stood still with my hands about 8 inches from my sides. I was lifted slowly into the air. It wasn’t a forceful thing, but I wasn’t in control. It was effortless and slow. The girl watched as I rose higher and higher, lightly brushing the leaves as I went. My body was slowly rotating and then slowly turning and flipping as well. I descended and came close to the ground but I was facing upward. When my back was parallel to the ground, I started to rise again. As I did, my body went upright, as if I was wearing a jet pack.

This time I went much, much higher. Above the trees. There was no town or anything, just woods and fields and ponds. I was propelled forward and started flying above the landscape at a fairly high speed although I remained completely relaxed and in awe of everything. I flew over small mountains just below the clouds. I saw animals and plants and beautiful colors. Big fluffy clouds and the sun was shining. It was like I was being shown everything, as if I was being controlled by a silent tour guide. At one point during my flight, I glided past three hot air balloons.  I don’t recall seeing people in them, but they seemed to be a natural part of the environment I was drifting through.

I covered a lot of distance and kept turning and twisting as I went. Finally, I began to approach the ground and I thought I was going to crash. Immediately I was slowed down. I glided over a galvanized fence with small chain links. It was surrounding a marshy swamp area. My feet were brushing the reeds that were pushing up out of the water everywhere.  There was something sticking up out of the water that looked like a four-foot long knife with a black handle and a shiny blade. As I reached for it I saw that it looked more like something torn off of a car. Once I touched it, I was lowered all the way down until I was standing in the water.

I was very near the fence. I looked down and saw a tag on a stick that was coming out of the water. It was the same kind you might see in a public garden. The kind that labels the plants and trees. It said “AIR”. The fence went on as far as I could see. I didn’t know where I was but I knew I had to get over the fence. As I approached the fence I realized I was wearing black aqua socks, and I didn’t really feel much of the gushy bottom. The fence had been bent and pushed in many places as if people before me had managed to climb over it. Before I tried to climb over the fence, I could feel my wedding band start to slip off but Ii managed to keep it on. (Note that this is very odd because I’ve not worn my wedding band for years as it is now too small.) As soon as I touched the fence, I woke up.

This dream has been on my mind for days.  Everything in it was so calm and peaceful and beautiful.  I don’t know what it represents (or even if dreams actually represent anything at all), but I thought it was something I could share with friends.  So, here you are.  All comments welcome.

Posted in Uncategorized | No Comments »

The Seasons Simplified

June 1st, 2010

I have been saying for a long time that a much simpler definition of the four seasons would benefit those of us who care about such things.  And fortunately, today is a perfect day to explain my theory of how the seasons should be, because, eh hmm, it’s the first day of Summer (by my theory anyway). Granted, I doubt I’m the first to come up with such a simple scheme, but I’ve not read this stuff anywhere else, so I’ll just claim authorship of the idea and hope I don’t get sued.

There are twelve months in a year.  There are four seasons in a year.  Four divides into twelve evenly (how convenient).  Thus, each of the four seasons should be exactly three months in duration.  Let’s start from the beginning.

Spring – March 1 – May 31
In Ohio, Spring can be  (and usually is) finicky.  I’ve seen 70-degree weather, as well as snow, in all three of these months during the 42 years that I’ve lived in the Midwest (and dammit, I wish they would stop including Ohio in the Midwest.  This is the lower end of the Northeast, and now I think I might have material for another blog entry).  Still, Winter has usually come to a close by March, and one starts to feel refreshed and alive–or at least, the feeling of urgency to clean out the garage.  Why wait until all the snow is gone?  Start now!  Perhaps our reluctance to continue Winter will force the bad weather to subside.  And to quench your thirst on these warm Spring days, try Magic Hat’s Vinyl Spring Lager!

Summer – June 1 – August 31
This is self-explanatory, don’t you think?  Don’t tell me Summer doesn’t start until the 21st.  That’s crap.  I don’t really care what the planets are doing and where the sun is and all that scientific stuff.  All I know is that I’m hot when I’m outside, the air conditioning is on inside, and the local grocery store is stocking Pyramid Curve Ball Blonde Ale It’s Summer.

Autumn – September 1 – November 30
The kids in schools public and private are now back in class.  This is the first and most-important indication that Summer is now over.  Sure, it might still be warm out, but the leaves are just waiting for color change and eventual death by falling.  No one is taking vacations in September.  We are all back to work and getting ready to enjoy the greatest tradition of Autumn; football.  This is my favorite season of the year in Ohio.  It’s not too cold, the colors are beautiful, snuggling is no longer a sticky mess, and soon, The Great Lakes Brewing Company will release the new batch of Christmas Ale.  It doesn’t get much better.

Winter – December 1 – February 28 (or 29)
Ah yes, the season of ice, slush, sniffles and auto accidents!  The snow is in full force, and no one (except for our crazy children) really wants to go outside for any reason.  Wait, skiing is fun.  As is sledding if you do it right (that’s a whole different topic).  Oh, and ice skating.  And hockey.  Come to think of it, there are a lot of reasons to go outside during the winter.  Promise me something, though.  Be a man and use a snow shovel.  Do you really need to drop $500 on a snow blower?  Burn off the winter weight and get your lazy ass to the driveway.  And bring the kids.  I mean, why did you make them if they can’t help you with the chores?  And when you’re sitting in front of the fire later, watching football and munching on Combos and Ruffles with French Onion dip, be comforted in the fact that Spring will arrive less than two months after the Super Bowl.

And there you have it.  Could it be easier?  No more pondering the Vernal Equinox.  No more concern over when the Winter Solstice might take place.  Four simple seasons, well-defined, simple to remember, and hey, they make sense.

Now go forth and pass this along to friends and family.  Never mind the confused looks of derision you might receive.  You know this is the way it should be, and that’s all that matters.

Posted in Social Commentary | 5 Comments »

Fork In the Road

April 21st, 2010

Today was an excellent day for opportunity.  Yet, these opportunities created a unique type of confusion.  It’s a confusion that I’m not accustomed to.  I may finally have a choice of work and career.  This could be life-changing, and I am at a crossroads on how to handle it.

Let me start with this.  I have been unemployed from a regular job since June 1st of last year.  Aside from the occasional freelance writing or editing job (very few and far between), my only source of income has been my weekly unemployment checks and whatever money I make at dart tournaments.  Something must change, and change soon.

I have been working on a new freelance client, and I believe I will be awarded the contract shortly.  I also hope that this contract might lead to more contracts from the company, or perhaps even a full-time position.  Alas, the company is in Florida, and there is no possibility of re-locating there.  Still, it is a nice opportunity, and I look forward to the work.

While checking my email this morning, an old friend of mine popped up on Facebook chat.  Turns out he owns his own company and may well be looking for a freelance writer soon for technical documentation and marketing materials.  We’ve just begun talking, but I believe there may well be a future business relationship there.

So far, so good.  But wait, there’s more.

On my drive back from lunch with a friend, I received a phone call from Melissa, my account manager at my old contracting company.  I had been contracted to EDS and Symantec through this company for three years before my last contract was not renewed last June.  She told me of a technical writing opportunity that just became available  in Austin, TX.  It’s a six-month contract with the possibility of extension, and the client is EDS (now an HP company).  Having several years of technical writing experience with EDS, I’m pretty much a lock for this contract if I choose to take it (and if they like my resume and want to talk to me).  There are logistics that need to be evaluated, of course.  I’m not able to spend six months in Austin away from my family.  But the pay is very good, and most of the expenses are covered.  The time and travel can be worked out if the company is willing.

Still more . . .

A close friend of mine is an Enrolled Agent (tax professional).  He owns his own business and has become successful.  So successful, in fact, that he now has more work than one man can handle.  He is ready to bring on a partner, and he has asked me to be that partner.  This is a complete career change for me, but one that offers–as long as the IRS doesn’t change the tax code to something simple–a virtual lifetime of employment.  The plan is to re-locate the company to Las Vegas (there are many good reasons for this, but I will not mention them here).

After living in Las Vegas for two years, and then moving back to Ohio, my wife and I have agreed that Las Vegas is truly our home.  We are comfortable there, and we feel like we belong.  Thus, it has been our goal to move back to Las Vegas for good.  Of course, this takes financial stability, and right now, that is something we certainly do not have.  The move to Vegas wouldn’t be necessary until early-to-mid 2012 (possibly even later with some back-and-forth travel), so we do have time.  There is much to accomplish in this time, however.  I will need to continue my studies and pass all three parts of the E.A. exam (grueling to say the least)  I will also need to acquire more freelance work, or a permanent position with a company through which I can gain stability and be able to fully prepare my family for the move.  This is of the utmost importance to my wife, and it is something I don’t take lightly.

So here’s the confusion.  What, exactly, do I do?  Until I talked to my tax accountant friend today, I was set on becoming a freelancer permanently.  With enough clients, I will be able to make a steady and comfortable income.  I’ve been told there is plenty of work out there, and I have taken steps to find it.  And a freelance career would be nice, but the thoughts of moving back to Vegas, working for one of my very best friends in a career full of unlimited growth and income, is simply too good to pass up.

Yes, the confusion.  I realize this post has been a rambling mess, and for that I apologize.  So many thoughts and possibilities are running amok in my brain this evening, and unfortunately, the quality of tonight’s entry has suffered.  I thank you for sticking with me this far, and I certainly appreciate any suggestions or insight anyone might have to offer.

With that, I’m going to go rest my brain with a James Bond film.  (And the irony of that is the title, You Only Live Twice.  Is this a sign that a career change is in my future?)

Posted in Uncategorized, Writing, linkedin | 3 Comments »

Mr. Popular

April 19th, 2010

Well, not really.  But I did get my first spam comment today.

That counts for something, right?

I suppose it’s time to update.  Perhaps after my son goes to bed tonight I will write something worthy of comment.  Or, at the very least, more spam.

Posted in Writing | No Comments »

Stupid Things People Do – Part 1 The Coinstar

March 25th, 2010

I have said before that I pick up pennies.  I do.  Parking lots, the floor at the mall, on the ground while taking a walk . . . discarded pennies are everywhere.  It seems that we stopped caring about the penny long ago.  Poor neglected penny.  I have been known to give these copper orphans a nice home whenever possible.  In fact, my son and I sometimes go places just to find change on the ground.  No wonder the dollar is declining; people enjoy throwing money away.

Speaking of change and throwing money away, there is a very strange breed of individual emerging.  Imagine this–there are actually people who save and collect all of their pennies and change “for a rainy day” in an old container of some type.  (Pickle jars work nicely.)  But when that rainy day comes, these misguided souls give away nearly ten percent of their mad money for no good reason.   Poof! It’s gone.  Just like that.  Who are these crazy people you ask?

These are the people who bring massive amounts of change to the local grocery store to dump it into the money-grubbing green monster known as the Coinstar.

As an avid metal detectorist, I find hundreds of dollars in change every year.  I’m not kidding.  Tons of pennies, nickels, dimes, quarters, and even the occasional dollar coin.  And after cleaning the coins, I dump them in my own version of the pickle jar.  It’s an antique glass jar with a glass lid atop which I’ve nestled (OK, I had to jam it on there) a miniature Miami Dolphins helmet.   This jar is also where I deposit all of those pennies and other assorted coins I find neglected all over town.  Oh, and every few weeks, I take a bunch of change out of the little change container I keep in my car and dump it into the Dolphins jar as well.  And it adds up.

Believe me.  It really adds up.

The first time I emptied this jar, rolled the coins, took them to the bank for cash and went out to buy something, I came home with a Sony DVD player (a big deal back then).  Since then, I have made purchases from large to tiny from this “found money”, and it has been a delight.  In fact, my son spent his own pickle money on an xBox 360 last fall.  Of course, he didn’t give away ten percent of it either.

Is it so difficult to roll your coins and take them to the bank?  Really?  Does it make sense to dump massive amounts of change (amounts of which, I might add, the total value is completely unknown to you) into a machine that counts it for you then spits out the green?  Does it make sense to a) trust the machine to give you a completely accurate count, and b) to let this machine take 9.8% off the top before giving you a more portable form of your orphaned coins?  That’s right, I said 9.8 %.  Just for counting your money!

About a month ago, I saw a middle aged man and his significant other wheel a grocery cart into the local store.  This cart was loaded to the top with small boxes.  It appeared that the man was struggling, so I assisted him in moving said cart.  Let me tell you, it was heavy!  Once in the store, he thanked me for the help, and proceeded to push this gargantuan load of little boxes right up to the Coinstar.  He then started to pour change out of these boxes, one-by-one, into the hopper of the machine.

Well, I wasn’t about to stand there and watch the entire process, fascinating as it was.  I went about my business of picking up dog food and beer.  When I checked out, the man was barely a third of the way through his box dumping.  In my best estimation, he had literally thousands of dollars in change piled into this cart.  Yes folks, he struggled to make his way to the grocery store, load up the cart with his change boxes, then unload the cart into this coin-hungry beast.  And his reward for all of this work?  He gets to leave the store with 90.2% of the money he came in with.  Brilliant!

Listen, don’t be stupid.  Roll your change and take it to the bank.  Even if it takes a week or a month to organize (and count) your massive collection, it’s the best method.  Unlike the kids who like to feed stale bread to the carp at the park, your time will be well-spent.  Not only will you know exactly how much money you have, but you will leave the bank with all of it.

That 9.8% you saved by not letting a machine do your work for you might be enough for a six-pack, a steak dinner or even that new Garmin Nuvi you’ve had your eye on.  Think about that next time you see some poor, unwashed creature throwing his money away at the Coinstar.  Oh, and after he leaves, check the floor around the machine.  Chances are,  you’ll be walking out with a free pack of gum.

Posted in Social Commentary | 17 Comments »

Contemplating Darts

February 21st, 2010

This morning I have been considering going to the Sunday night blind draw (small dart tournament where you basically draw your partner at random).

My problem is that I have been sporadically up and down in my game as of late, often to extremes.  This has caused a great lack of confidence, and I have been trying to find my way back to my “A game” for quite some time.  My personal record this season has been less than stellar.  My win rate is just slightly above 50% in the Gold Division, and that is unacceptable to me.

Earlier in the season I was spending many hours on the practice board, yet my results in league were not what I’d expected.  For some reason, I seem to experience performance anxiety when it really counts, and I throw in a timid fashion.  My follow-though is lacking gravitas, and I am not throwing confident darts.

I took some time off from my rigorous practice schedule, playing just a little each day, but that was just a temporary fix.  I’ve also changed some things in my game to improve accuracy, but I’ve not practiced enough to perfect them.  Thus the conundrum of my practice routine.  Do I increase practice to break through this?  Do I take some time off?  The answers elude me.

This week is our annual charity tournament.  We have a blind draw on Thursday night (in lieu of league), then events on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  The tournament draws many good players from all over, as well as some pros.  I know I’m not at the level to beat many of these players, but I really do enjoy these events, and it is wonderful practice to play against players who I can learn from.  I played three events last year, and although I never made the money, I learned quite a bit and sharpened my game.  The tournament also left me feeling confident and determined.  Yet somewhere along the way I lost that.  Perhaps this year’s tournament will help me regain what I’ve lost.

So I guess I’ll play tonight.  I’ve done very well in blind draws over the past 12 months.  I make the money more times than not, and with the right partner, I’ve won quite a few.  And the money is always nice as well.

Apparently, pondering decisions aloud is helpful.

Posted in Darts | 2 Comments »

Why Writers Should Never Be Unemployed

December 16th, 2009

I’ve often wanted to walk into a company and explain to them all the reasons why they should hire me as a professional writer.  Call it a technical writer, or perhaps a business writer, or even “company writer”.  I would love nothing more than to edit professional documents, marketing pieces and all correspondence for clarity, grammar, spelling, style and punctuation.  Everything that leaves the office is a representation of the business, and quite often, it reflects poorly on the company.  Further, these errors can also be quite costly.

A battle is currently waging between the creditors of two bankrupt Philadelphia newspapers and the company that owns them. The creditors are using comma placement to argue the meaning of a certain statute in the bankruptcy code.  The outcome of this disagreement could potentially result in millions of dollars for either side.

While the article does not reference the specific statute for those of us who would like to interpret the phrase in question for ourselves, it does provide an interesting anecdote for the argument of proper punctuation and grammar.  Granted, few of us are flawless in our writing.  However, I would think that our laws (as well as our tax code), no matter how lengthy, should be clear and understandable by the average individual.  As we can see, in business or in the courts, simple writing mistakes can be very costly.

Your company simply can not afford not to have a writer on staff.

Posted in Writing | 4 Comments »

A Nifty Trick

November 27th, 2009

I was munching on a turkey sandwich this afternoon, and it occurred to me that I know a pretty cool little trick that i’ve never shared before.  So, as we’re all recovering from what I hope was a fun, safe and tummy-filling Thanksgiving, here is that trick.

Most people have car alarms.  At the very least, we have the little keychain remote that will lock and unlock our doors.  The only problem with these little devices that that they tend to wear out over time.  As they wear out, the range weakens.  For example, my last car, a Honda Civic, had an excellent remote.  I could easily stand 35-40 feet away and lock or unlock my doors.  But over time, that distance was reduced to almost 25 feet.  Even with a new battery, there was little improvement.  But, I remembered a trick taught to me by some car audio buffs years ago.  It’s a very simple way to dramatically increase your car’s keychain remote range.

All you need to do is hold the remote to your chin as you press the button.  That’s it.  your range should increase by a minimum of 10 feet, and most likely, a lot more.  Don’t believe me?  Go try it for yourself.  First, test your remote’s power by trying it at 1-food intervals until it no longer works.  From that point, try holding it to your chin, and keep trying it 1-foot intervals until it fails.  You’ll be pleasantly surprised.

Why does this work?  Honestly, I’m not sure.  My car audio buddies told me that the body acts as an antenna, and it helps carry the signal a much greater distance. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but I’m not really concerned.  I just know that it works.

If you are walking into the grocery and can’t remember if you set your alarm or not, you no longer have to walk back to the normal range of your remote.  Just hold it to your chin and give it a shot.

You’re welcome.

Posted in General Information | No Comments »

A Minor Bump **UPDATED**

November 25th, 2009

Yesterday WordPress decided to change the linking to all of the comments in my entries.  I am still working on correcting this problem.

Stay tuned.  Oh, and have a wonderful Thanksgiving everyone!

**UPDATE**

Shortly after posting this, I resolved the problem.

Props to Eric for notifying me of the issue.

Posted in General Information | No Comments »

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