My first day of actual employment in nearly thirteen months was spent in a cubicle doing absolutely nothing. But that’s OK. It was expected actually. Onboarding a new tech writer (when your company only has one) is not easy. I’m not faulting them. They’re a great bunch of guys back here in development, and I know I’ll be up and running soon. And hey, I had some time for a long-awaited blog entry.
So, yeah, you read that right. I have a job.
Did you hear me? I said,
I HAVE A JOB!
Today is Wednesday, July 14th. Two days ago I was sitting at my desk at home browsing new cars online that I knew I wouldn’t be able to afford for a long time (because that’s what the unemployed do–we dream about stuff we can’t have), when the phone rang. It was a recruiter I’d been talking too for a few months (one of nine that I’d been working with since losing my last job). She asked me if I could meet a potential employer for an interview the following day at 10 A.M.
I have to interject for a moment here because there is something I need to mention. Some background on my situation (that was current until yesterday). In the past thirteen months, I have had three job interviews. Three. And two of those weren’t really serious. One was for a telemarketing gig that advertised a starting wage up to $15/hr. but was really just slightly above minimum wage. The other was advertised as a creative writing position but turned out to be cold-calling sales for some stupid advertising gimmick. Both were a complete waste of time.
My third interview was for a high-security tech writing job with a Naval contractor. They paid my travel, hotel and food expenses for the interview (less than 90 minutes from my house), and the interview lasted just over half a day. I thought it went great. They even took me to lunch afterward.
I got my rejection letter early last week.
And that’s the extent of my job leads for the last thirteen months. Hundreds of resumes sent out, hundreds of applications and cover letters written, nine different recruiters who supposedly have my best interest in mind . . . and one decent interview. One.
So you can imagine my surprise when the lovely Amanda (I call her lovely because she was professional, and because she secured an interview for me which, incidentally, got me this job.) asked me to be in Seven Fields (near Cranberry PA) the next morning for an interview. I would also need to bring a writing sample. Yes, I told her, I’d be there for sure.
I spent the remainder of Monday gathering my writing sample together, printing out all 65 full-color duplexed pages of it on my home printer (a service that would have run me about $78.50 at Kinko’s), and flying over to OfficeMax to have it bound for presentation. I pulled a suit (OK, who am I kidding–my only fitting suit) out of the closet, ironed a shirt, and went to bed at 10:30 P.M.
My interview with my new boss lasted roughly 18 minutes. I was hired on the spot. I was to start the next day (for those keeping track, that’s today).
So, after a small celebration with my good friend Bill, and some time spent with family when I got home, I went to bed early again in anticipation of my first day with a real job in what seems like forever.
I awoke at 6 A.M. this morning. My alarm was set for 7, but I couldn’t fall back asleep. I sat groggy-eyed at my computer trying to figure out how to avoid the toll roads (the shortest route to work will cost me $4.90/day) and just how much time to give myself to arrive at the office. As it turns out, my non-toll route was only fifteen minutes longer (and my wife told me this afternoon that she found an even quicker non-toll route) than the route I took yesterday for my interview.
That’s a money saver, and money savers are good.
Alas, all of my preparation did not ready me for an entire day just hanging out in cubicle land. I guess I’ve become so used to working from home that I’d forgotten what a real office is actually like. But you know, everyone wears jeans and casual shoes here, so I’ve really got nothing to complain about. I was able to connect my laptop to a guest network so I could get online, check email, and read all about the product I’ll soon be documenting. But I finished all of that before lunch. Now it’s just shy of 2:30 and I’m back to staring at the screen. It’s very quiet here too. Don’t get me wrong; my new co-workers are all very friendly. They’re just quietly working. And I’m quietly doing diddly squat. Still. Bathroom breaks (about two miles down the hall) only take up so much dead time. I have two and a half ours left to fill. Yet, I’m oddly anxious for tomorrow and what it might bring. I’ve begun to look at this as an adventure. And that, my friends, will provide me with many entertaining stories that I hope to share with my massive fan base.
But you know, in the dark shadows of my recent past, these small problems I now face are nothing compared to what I was facing just two short days ago. No job and no leads in the foreseeable future. I’d have to say that sitting here doing nothing but silently tapping away on my laptop, in a real office, and at a real job where I’m really getting paid, well, feels pretty damn good!
The Seasons Simplified
June 1st, 2010I have been saying for a long time that a much simpler definition of the four seasons would benefit those of us who care about such things. And fortunately, today is a perfect day to explain my theory of how the seasons should be, because, eh hmm, it’s the first day of Summer (by my theory anyway). Granted, I doubt I’m the first to come up with such a simple scheme, but I’ve not read this stuff anywhere else, so I’ll just claim authorship of the idea and hope I don’t get sued.
There are twelve months in a year. There are four seasons in a year. Four divides into twelve evenly (how convenient). Thus, each of the four seasons should be exactly three months in duration. Let’s start from the beginning.
Spring – March 1 – May 31
In Ohio, Spring can be (and usually is) finicky. I’ve seen 70-degree weather, as well as snow, in all three of these months during the 42 years that I’ve lived in the Midwest (and dammit, I wish they would stop including Ohio in the Midwest. This is the lower end of the Northeast, and now I think I might have material for another blog entry). Still, Winter has usually come to a close by March, and one starts to feel refreshed and alive–or at least, the feeling of urgency to clean out the garage. Why wait until all the snow is gone? Start now! Perhaps our reluctance to continue Winter will force the bad weather to subside. And to quench your thirst on these warm Spring days, try Magic Hat’s Vinyl Spring Lager!
Summer – June 1 – August 31
This is self-explanatory, don’t you think? Don’t tell me Summer doesn’t start until the 21st. That’s crap. I don’t really care what the planets are doing and where the sun is and all that scientific stuff. All I know is that I’m hot when I’m outside, the air conditioning is on inside, and the local grocery store is stocking Pyramid Curve Ball Blonde Ale It’s Summer.
Autumn – September 1 – November 30
The kids in schools public and private are now back in class. This is the first and most-important indication that Summer is now over. Sure, it might still be warm out, but the leaves are just waiting for color change and eventual death by falling. No one is taking vacations in September. We are all back to work and getting ready to enjoy the greatest tradition of Autumn; football. This is my favorite season of the year in Ohio. It’s not too cold, the colors are beautiful, snuggling is no longer a sticky mess, and soon, The Great Lakes Brewing Company will release the new batch of Christmas Ale. It doesn’t get much better.
Winter – December 1 – February 28 (or 29)
Ah yes, the season of ice, slush, sniffles and auto accidents! The snow is in full force, and no one (except for our crazy children) really wants to go outside for any reason. Wait, skiing is fun. As is sledding if you do it right (that’s a whole different topic). Oh, and ice skating. And hockey. Come to think of it, there are a lot of reasons to go outside during the winter. Promise me something, though. Be a man and use a snow shovel. Do you really need to drop $500 on a snow blower? Burn off the winter weight and get your lazy ass to the driveway. And bring the kids. I mean, why did you make them if they can’t help you with the chores? And when you’re sitting in front of the fire later, watching football and munching on Combos and Ruffles with French Onion dip, be comforted in the fact that Spring will arrive less than two months after the Super Bowl.
And there you have it. Could it be easier? No more pondering the Vernal Equinox. No more concern over when the Winter Solstice might take place. Four simple seasons, well-defined, simple to remember, and hey, they make sense.
Now go forth and pass this along to friends and family. Never mind the confused looks of derision you might receive. You know this is the way it should be, and that’s all that matters.
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